Lobster Apocalypse Now!

If looks could kill...

And now, the end is near, it's time to face the final curtain (well, the opening night, actually). 
 The Lobsters have had their make over; Paige is sharpening her tongue; Lars is practising his best sardonic smile in the mirror; Wynne has painted her nails purple to remind her of the unmentionables hanging in her gallery; Hal is hoping that Paige doesn't mention his ex; Sian is having a last minute fag before meeting Hal's awful friends and the waiter.....what exactly he is up to? No-one knows but we are all about to find out.

Paige has prepared an interesting menu that is charged with symbolism and contains the contents of her bin. Will the guests appreciate her efforts or will they move straight on to the entertainment; ripping each other to shreds...
How ever the evening ends, you can rely on Paige to follow Sinatra's lead, and do it her way.

The table is set for a top notch dinner party and you've all been invited, you lucky people!  Get your tickets for Dinner here.
If you are local to Goudhurst you can get tickets at Burgess Stores or should you feel impetuous, just rock up on the night for tickets and hope to get lucky (but there are no guarantees).

This amateur production of dinner is presented by special arrangement with Samuel French Ltd

The Waiter

Introducing our mysterious waiter. He's looking very James Bond here; 007 licensed to serve alcohol.
He's the strong silent type and an essential element for the success of Paige's dinner party from hell.

He's a man of experience and very diligent; never shaken and rarely stirred. Paige is keeping him on his toes with her constant demand for drinks.

Nobody does it better...and he's keeping all my secrets safe tonight' Says Paige

Vital Stats

Name: Unknown

Favourite book: Unknown

Favourite drink: Unknown

Favourite word: Unknown

Secrets: Wait and see...

This is the final member of the cast of Dinner. If you have been tempted to come join me for Dinner you can buy tickets here. I would like to apologise for the gratuitous picture of Daniel Craig...but I'm not. Here's another one for no reason whatsoever

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This amateur production of dinner is presented by special arrangement with Samuel French Ltd

The Van Driver

Meet Mike,the uninvited guest at Dinner. He's just crashed his van into Paige's gate post and needs a tow truck; so she invites him to stay for a drink and a bit more besides. 

Mike is a man of mystery with a penchant for telling enormous fibs, just for the hell of it. Is his van full of swag looted from the neighbours or is it just full of profiteroles?

He's ex-army and knows how to handle himself but did he actually kill a librarian, as Wynne believes?!  Whoever he really is, he sees a kindred spirit in Paige; the working class professional killer and the 'posh bitch'.

Vital Stats

Name: Mike

Previous employer: Mr Kipling

Favourite murder weapon: Liquidiser

Favourite food: Contents of Paige's bin

Favourite book genre: Aliens built the Pyramids

Secrets: A shed load

You can find out the truth about Mike by buying tickets for Dinner, here

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This amateur production of dinner is presented by special arrangement with Samuel French Ltd

The Newsbabe

Meet Sian,the news reader: she's not just a pretty face but an intelligent, articulate journalist with a little bit of a potty mouth.  

Angela Rippon might have had the legs but our Sian has just won 'rear of the year'. (Better not mention it though, it's a touchy subject...).

You can forget 50 ways to leave your lover; Sian knows at least 60 ways to murder him first.  Her husband, Hal, might want to remember that and stop introducing her as a 'newsbabe', because as a husband he just doesn't shape up.

Vital Stats

Name: Sian

Favourite food: Lobster with HP sauce

Favourite author: Jean-Paul Sartre

Favourite art form: Graffiti on toilet doors

Favourite Word: All the swear words %$£&**!

Secrets: Just a teeny weeny one....

Don't forget that you can buy your tickets for Dinner here. This play is a black comedy and bit on the sweary side, so not for  sensitive flowers.

Buy Tickets for Dinner

This amateur production of dinner is presented by special arrangement with Samuel French Ltd

The Red Dress

The colour red is highly symbolic in the this play; it represents passion, love, excitement, rage, anger and violence.  Paige is making a bold statement from the moment she steps onto the set of her Dinner party, foreshadowing what is to come.  The glorious lobster red of her dress is a warning to the other guests.

Paige tells Lars at the outset that her dinner is '...my statement. It's my creation like Frankenstein's monster'.

I wouldn't usually choose to wear a red dress; it takes an attitude and confidence to wear such an attention seeking dress, that I personally don't have.  But, it's an essential element for me in becoming Paige and preparing for Dinner. The red dress Paige wears sends a warning to all; watch out, I bite.

This play has the flavour of a modern  day Jacobean revenge tragedy.

“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”  
from The Duchess of Malfi

I'll leave you with Helen Mirren from The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and her Lover. There's a bit of red symbolism for you.

Tickets for Dinner can be purchased here.

Buy Tickets for Dinner

The Lobster

I'm inviting you all to dip a toe in and test the water...but first I'm introducing Larry, the stunt lobster. Paige serves him up as a part of her dish, Apocalypse of Lobster, during Dinner and this leads to a right old kerfuffle. Rest assured that Larry had his handler with him at all times during this photoshoot.
Surely, it's standard practice to bathe with ones lobster in Goudhurst?

If you have never seen a piece of local am dram theatre, then now is the time to pop your cherry and take the plunge.
I love going up to London to see a musical or a play but it can be ever-so pricey. The cost of tickets in the West End can be prohibitive and then you need to factor in the cost of travel and supper.

That's the marvellous thing about seeing local amateur theatre productions; they give great VFM! For around a tenner you can see something on your door step without having to get the last train home. You also get a warm fuzzy feeling inside because you've supported your local community.  For an enhanced experience, nip into your local first for a pint of gin before strolling over to the village hall, hurrah!

We've all become a little bit enslaved to Mistress Netflix and her tempting boxsets, haven't we?  How about sending her packing for one evening and supporting your local theatre group? Prise yourself from her vice like grip and take a walk on the wild side of local theatre.

All local theatre-going virgins and seasoned pros can buy tickets here; we promise to be gentle with you.

Tickets for Dinner

  

The Scientist

Meet the mad scientist, Pyscho Hal; does this look like a man you can trust?  He's another one with a dirty little secret that he would rather not discuss at dinner, thank you very much.  Oh, but rest assured that Paige is going to make damn sure that he does.

Hal is our very own Professor Plum; he's the fount of all knowledge if you want to know how to commit murder using deadly germs.  He's also written a fascinating book on microbes(yawn) but he's longing to shake off his Mr Boring reputation and get trigger happy with his machine gun during Dinner.  Remember that it's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for. 

Vital Stats

Name: Hal

Favourite hobby: wife baiting

Favourite word: effing

Favourite murder weapon: weaponized Marburg

Favourite book: The Shining

Secrets?: He's got a Mr Rochester complex

If you fancy popping round to join Hal and friends for Dinner then you can purchase your tickets here.

Buy Tickets for Dinner