Tuesday, 4 April 2017

Lobster Apocalypse Now!

If looks could kill...

And now, the end is near, it's time to face the final curtain (well, the opening night, actually). 
 The Lobsters have had their make over; Paige is sharpening her tongue; Lars is practising his best sardonic smile in the mirror; Wynne has painted her nails purple to remind her of the unmentionables hanging in her gallery; Hal is hoping that Paige doesn't mention his ex; Sian is having a last minute fag before meeting Hal's awful friends and the waiter.....what exactly he is up to? No-one knows but we are all about to find out.

Paige has prepared an interesting menu that is charged with symbolism and contains the contents of her bin. Will the guests appreciate her efforts or will they move straight on to the entertainment; ripping each other to shreds...
How ever the evening ends, you can rely on Paige to follow Sinatra's lead, and do it her way.
The table is set for a top notch dinner party and you've all been invited, you lucky people!  Get your tickets for Dinner here.
If you are local to Goudhurst you can get tickets at Burgess Stores or should you feel impetuous, just rock up on the night for tickets and hope to get lucky (but there are no guarantees).

This amateur production of dinner is presented by special arrangement with Samuel French Ltd

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

The Waiter

Introducing our mysterious waiter. He's looking very James Bond here; 007 licensed to serve alcohol.
He's the strong silent type and an essential element for the success of Paige's dinner party from hell.

He's a man of experience and very diligent; never shaken and rarely stirred. Paige is keeping him on his toes with her constant demand for drinks.

Vital Stats
Name: Unknown
Favourite book: Unknown
Favourite drink: Unknown
Favourite word: Unknown
Secrets: Wait and see...

This is the final member of the cast of Dinner. If you have been tempted to come join me for Dinner you can buy tickets here. I would like to apologise for the gratuitous picture of Daniel Craig...but I'm not. Here's another one for no reason whatsoever

This amateur production of dinner is presented by special arrangement with Samuel French Ltd

Tuesday, 28 March 2017

The Van Driver

Meet Mike,the uninvited guest at Dinner. He's just crashed his van into Paige's gate post and needs a tow truck; so she invites him to stay for a drink and a bit more besides. 

Mike is a man of mystery with a penchant for telling enormous fibs, just for the hell of it. Is his van full of swag looted from the neighbours or is it just full of profiteroles?

He's ex-army and knows how to handle himself but did he actually kill a librarian, as Wynne believes?!  Whoever he really is, he sees a kindred spirit in Paige; the working class professional killer and the 'posh bitch'.

Vital Stats

Name: Mike
Previous employer: Mr Kipling
Favourite murder weapon: Liquidiser
Favourite food: Contents of Paige's bin
Favourite book genre: Aliens built the Pyramids
Secrets: A shed load

You can find out the truth about Mike by buying tickets for Dinner, here

This amateur production of dinner is presented by special arrangement with Samuel French Ltd

Monday, 27 March 2017

The Newsbabe

Meet Sian,the news reader: she's not just a pretty face but an intelligent, articulate journalist with a little bit of a potty mouth.  
Angela Rippon might have had the legs but our Sian has just won 'rear of the year'. (Better not mention it though, it's a touchy subject...).

You can forget 50 ways to leave your lover; Sian knows at least 60 ways to murder him first.  Her husband, Hal, might want to remember that and stop introducing her as a 'newsbabe', because as a husband he just doesn't shape up.

Vital Stats

Name: Sian
Favourite food: Lobster with HP sauce
Favourite author: Jean-Paul Sartre
Favourite art form: Graffiti on toilet doors
Favourite Word: All the swear words %$£&**!
Secrets: Just a teeny weeny one....

Don't forget that you can buy your tickets for Dinner here. This play is a black comedy and bit on the sweary side, so not for  sensitive flowers.

This amateur production of dinner is presented by special arrangement with Samuel French Ltd

Friday, 24 March 2017

The Red Dress

The colour red is highly symbolic in the this play; it represents passion, love, excitement, rage, anger and violence.  Paige is making a bold statement from the moment she steps onto the set of her Dinner party, foreshadowing what is to come.  The glorious lobster red of her dress is a warning to the other guests.

Paige tells Lars at the outset that her dinner is '...my statement. It's my creation like Frankenstein's monster'.

I wouldn't usually choose to wear a red dress; it takes an attitude and confidence to wear such an attention seeking dress, that I personally don't have.  But, it's an essential element for me in becoming Paige and preparing for Dinner. The red dress Paige wears sends a warning to all; watch out, I bite.

This play has the flavour of a modern  day Jacobean revenge tragedy.

“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”  
from The Duchess of Malfi

I'll leave you with Helen Mirren from The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and her Lover. There's a bit of red symbolism for you.

Tickets for Dinner can be purchased here.

Buy Tickets for Dinner

Thursday, 23 March 2017

The Lobster

I'm inviting you all to dip a toe in and test the water...but first I'm introducing Larry, the stunt lobster. Paige serves him up as a part of her dish, Apocalypse of Lobster, during Dinner and this leads to a right old kerfuffle. Rest assured that Larry had his handler with him at all times during this photoshoot.
Surely, it's standard practice to bathe with ones lobster in Goudhurst?

If you have never seen a piece of local am dram theatre, then now is the time to pop your cherry and take the plunge.
I love going up to London to see a musical or a play but it can be ever-so pricey. The cost of tickets in the West End can be prohibitive and then you need to factor in the cost of travel and supper.

That's the marvellous thing about seeing local amateur theatre productions; they give great VFM! For around a tenner you can see something on your door step without having to get the last train home. You also get a warm fuzzy feeling inside because you've supported your local community.  For an enhanced experience, nip into your local first for a pint of gin before strolling over to the village hall, hurrah!

We've all become a little bit enslaved to Mistress Netflix and her tempting boxsets, haven't we?  How about sending her packing for one evening and supporting your local theatre group? Prise yourself from her vice like grip and take a walk on the wild side of local theatre.

All local theatre-going virgins and seasoned pros can buy tickets here; we promise to be gentle with you.

Tickets for Dinner


Wednesday, 22 March 2017

The Scientist

Meet the mad scientist, Pyscho Hal; does this look like a man you can trust?  He's another one with a dirty little secret that he would rather not discuss at dinner, thank you very much.  Oh, but rest assured that Paige is going to make damn sure that he does.

Hal is our very own Professor Plum; he's the fount of all knowledge if you want to know how to commit murder using deadly germs.  He's also written a fascinating book on microbes(yawn) but he's longing to shake off his Mr Boring reputation and get trigger happy with his machine gun during Dinner.  Remember that it's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for. 

Vital Stats

Name: Hal
Favourite hobby: wife baiting
Favourite word: effing
Favourite murder weapon: weaponized Marburg
Favourite book: The Shining
Secrets?: He's got a Mr Rochester complex

If you fancy popping round to join Hal and friends for Dinner then you can purchase your tickets here.

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

The Artist

Don't be fooled by the sweet smile of Wynne, the artist. She's turns up to dinner with a rip in her tights and feeling very friendly towards her host.  Wynne has something hanging in her gallery that would make even Tracy Emin blush, and she doesn't care who knows it.  All I'll say is that Bob wasn't very happy about it.....
She's passionate about many things, including her art, being a vegetarian and a certain smooth talking philosopher.   Watch out for her bursting pomegranates when she starts to reminisce with an old flame.

Vital Stats

Name: Wynne
Favourite Food: Anything without a face
Favourite author: Anais Nin
Least favourite person: Cuddly Pam
Favourite Fruit: Her cherry
Favourite sport: Tonsil hockey
Secrets?: She's a thief (but not a very good one)

If this has wet your whistle for Dinner, you can purchase tickets here. Please remember that this play is not suitable for children, so leave them at home and come out for a highly entertaining evening of pitch black comedy. Looking forward to seeing you there.

Sunday, 19 March 2017

The Husband

I'd like to introduce you to my new (stage) husband, Lars.  He's a younger man, who my alter ego, Paige, met at a fabulous party thrown by her rich uncle. A cynic might suggest that Lars married Paige for her money.

There are marital tensions here in spades that throughout the course of dinner, lead to an undignified tussle and some vitriolic mud slinging. Don't be fooled by the 'cool' exterior of Lars Janssen.  As smiling host, Lars is lecturing and leching his way through three courses, serving up barbed comments to his wife, with a caustic, 'my love', tagged on the end.  

Rest assured that Paige will give as good as she gets; she's had years of practice when it comes to sparring with Lars.  They are a truly awful couple who are battling it out until the very bitter end.  Angie and Den Watts' marriage looks positively blissful compared to these two.

Vital Stats

Name: Lars Janssen
Favourite Book: His own
Favourite hobby: Talking about his book
Favourite word: 'Cool'
Favourite Person: Anyone but his wife
Secrets?: Something nasty hidden in his desk

Don't forget you can buy tickets to see the full three courses of dinner here or by following the link below.

Tickets for Dinner

Friday, 17 March 2017

Welcome to Dinner!

I've been meaning to get this blog off the ground for the longest time.  So, here it is.  The plan is to record my adventures in performing with local amateur dramatic societies; plays, musicals and panto. Brace yourselves as we dive into the wonderful world of being an amateur luvvie. 
As a teenager, I discovered I could act a bit and sing a bit and got my first part as a cow in Animal Farm.  You can guess what my only line was, right?  Fast forward a decade or three and I found myself auditioning for the part of Miss Hannigan in the musical, Annie, because my musical theatre mad daughter was auditioning to be an orphan.  I was terrified; I didn't know a single soul in my local amateur dramatic society but got through the audition process without wetting myself much. I didn't get the main part but joined the ensemble cast of Annie, which proved to be a truly life changing experience and the start of my adventures in am dram.

That was almost five years ago and in that time I've had loads of laughs and met so many talented, friendly and truly lovely people. Sometimes I've been lucky and got a main part and sometimes I've had a cameo role or been a member of the all-singing, all-dancing ensemble.  In this time I've played a fair few, slightly mad, comic middle aged women. Can't think why I keep getting those parts.  I do love playing these crazy women and I love being funny and making people laugh.  I think I do it quite well, but I'll confess that I've begun to feel a little bit typecast.  So, I decided it was time for a change; time to challenge myself by taking on a far darker, more complex character.  A character like
Paige Janssen.

 In about two and a half weeks, I will be performing in Dinner by Moira Buffini. It's a black comedy with a shed load of cracking one liners.  Paige Janssen, the hostess with the mostess and a sinister agenda for her dinner party from hell, is a stonking good part. I have loved the challenge of playing Paige and being given the opportunity to step out of my comfort zone and be a scheming bitch. Move over Joan Collins, Paige Janssen is in the building and channelling her inner Alexis Colby. 

I'm no Dame Maggie Smith  but I still relish the chance to create and develop my character.  Just because we're amateurs doesn't mean we don't take it seriously, darling!
 It's interesting to watch how your character develops during rehearsals; thinking about how they speak and move and interact with the other members of the cast. Creating a back story and developing the inner life of Paige Janssen has been fascinating.  But when it comes to preparing for a part, getting the look of your character is equally important; costume, hair and make-up are all essential elements.  For once, I don't have to wear a comedy wig or nipple tassels and a centurions helmet. For once, I get to be glamorous in a dramatic red dress that sets the tone of the play from the outset. Ok, Paige is still a slightly mad, middle aged woman, but this time I get to do it in a posh red frock. 

I'll introduce you to the other dinner guests over the course of the next week. They are an interesting lot with so many secrets and their own agendas for what they want to happen during the course of dinner.  Some are telling the truth and some are telling whacking great porky pies.  Oh, and there are lobsters; I mustn't forget the lobsters.

If I have tickled your curiosity and you are chomping at the bit to buy tickets for Dinner, please follow the link below of click here.

NB This show has a fair amount of cussing, so is not suitable for your darling children.  You may not wish to attend if you are lobsterusphobius

I look forward to seeing you there. We can have drinks; lots and lots of drinks.

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